Monkey Sex, Bum Plants and the Mysterious Ham Shark

Posted on 15th October 2011 in Bum plant, Carnivorous Plants, Crazy Car Man, Idiocy, Sea Monkeys

Crazy Farm is living up to it’s name, helped somewhat by Crazy Car Man and his most-excellent-pills bringing out his inner whacko.  My inner whacko needs little to no encouragement to make an appearance and so is reveling in the uncommon appearance of Crazy Car Man’s.

The madness started a few weeks ago whilst shopping at Toys R Us.  I was meant to be buying birthday presents for the nephews and niece but was thoroughly distracted by the aisle after aisle of awesome toy stuff.  How a tiny kiddy with the attention span of shoe handles that shop is beyond me, because I am thirty five years old and I couldn’t resist letting out a shriek of covetousness when I spied the Sea Monkeys.

They weren’t a part of my childhood menagerie and so I had to make up for that lack (severe childhood deprivation – must have words with parents – dogs, fish and birds were simply not adequate).  I set them up on the window sill alongside the carnivorous plants (who are licking their chops and having their own covetous thoughts) added water and waited with bated breath.  So, while not completely instantaneous, I did have movement after a couple of days.  And they haven’t stopped growing since.

Or partaking in a bit of nookie.

That’s right, I’ve bred a bunch of fiends who have monkey sex at every opportunity.  They’re at it constantly, and it’s quite distracting.  Though it is quite amusing watching Crazy Car Man on his most-excellent-pills being hypnotised by the whirly gig activity in the tank.

Photographing them is quite tricky.

And they chose this moment to have a break from the adults only activities, but you can kind of see what they look like.

Continuing on in the gutter, I have a new addition to the plant collection that lives on the window sill.  It’s a lithop (living stone) of some variety, but has been renamed by Crazy Car Man as the bum plant.

No further explanation is required really.  It is what it is – a plant disguised as a stone, disguised as a bum (albeit, a bum with an unfortunate skin condition).  Awesome!  My inner thirteen year old boy sniggers every time!

So I was driving home from work today, figuring out what to have for dinner, when my inner whacko, let off the leash and encouraged by Crazy Car Man’s decided on this….

Greens, Eggs and Ham.  Boom tish!  Made me laugh all the way home, and then when I told Crazy Car Man, he ran with it, and in the spirit of our one fish shower of the other day he came up with the mysterious ham shark….

Yes, I know, you can’t take us anywhere – but then who needs to go anywhere when you’ve got fish falling out of the sky,  sea monkeys having monkey sex on your window sill, bum plants mooning you from the safety of their pots and Crazy Car Man off his nut on painkillers?

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Gone Rogue

Posted on 7th March 2011 in Carnivorous Plants

My carnivorous plants have been living cheek by jowl in the spare room over the summer. Like house mates, they’ve had to schedule bathroom times, they’ve argued over who has what shelf in the communal fridge, they’ve squished in the lounge room watching Jackass, and it would appear they’ve been getting up to some sexy time together.

Maybe not ‘together’ together, but there has certainly been a bit of voyeurism going on, and perhaps a little bit of sharing of beds.
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2010 Round Up

2010 was an absolute corker of a year. This garden malarkey sunk it’s teeth in with a vengeance and quite suddenly I was looking at the world with new eyes. I fell off a motorbike and got married in a Lahu hilltribe ceremony, I fell off a step and discovered Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, I got a new job and found a new career. And I grew loads of plants, battled snails and weeds, contended with Mother Nature’s temper tantrums, experimented madly, got things badly wrong and occasionally got them right.
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The Flowering of Venus

Posted on 9th November 2010 in Books, Carnivorous Plants, Crazy Car Man, Update

It sounds like the kind of euphemistic prose you’d get in a certain type of romance novel – you know the ones I mean – the ones that have a liberal sprinkling of words like sword and lance and aren’t about sixteenth century military.

To get in the spirit of all things inspired by romance novels, I shall be referred to as Carrotelle de Summergarden and Crazy Car Man will henceforth be known as Count Automaniac of Kingswoodtopia. I have masses of titian curls and creamy shoulders (I’ve never understood that description) and the Count smoulders from beyond his lantern jaw (and smells just a little bit like car exhaust). Please feel free to give yourself a new, romance novel inspired name and description.
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Crazy Car Mon-et?

Posted on 28th October 2010 in Art, Bugs, Carnivorous Plants, Crazy Car Man, Update

My camera is pretty good, but it sucks severely at certain jobs. It’s a Sony Cybershot point and shoot digital piece of wonderment that my folks gave me about six years ago. It takes a great photo for an amateur camera – all the photos on my blog (unless otherwise credited) are taken with my Sony, and being the luddite that I am, there’s no tweaking or airbrushing – partly because I don’t know how to do it, and partly because I can’t be bothered. The camera has traveled through 21 countries with me and the Man and has never put a foot wrong.
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My Showgirls Live On

Posted on 12th October 2010 in Carnivorous Plants, Update

I described my sundews as the showgirls of the plant world, and I still stand by that description.  Like all good performers they retire and then have a comeback to beat all comebacks.

I wrote in July that I thought I’d maybe lost them, but it turns out they were in their first retirement, and after a wee beauty rest over winter they’re looking fabulous once again, and have been bugging me (boom tish) to get their photos online so the world at large can admire them.  They’re so vain, all I can do is tsk and shake my head, and then indulge them in their quest for compliments.
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Weird Science in the Garden

Posted on 26th September 2010 in Bugs, Carnivorous Plants, Crazy Car Man, Porch Garden, Update

Every now and then my Inner Science Geek escapes the fairly loose leash I keep it on and weird science in the garden is the result.

I haven’t mentioned my bevy of carnivorous beauties lately, winter is their dormant period and as a result they’re not looking their best – and like all true supermodels they absolutely refuse to appear in public looking less than hot. Prima donnas, the lot of them!
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The Ants Go Marching….

Posted on 24th August 2010 in Bugs, Carnivorous Plants

The ants go marching one by one HURRAH HURRAH

The ants go marching one by one HURRAH HURRAH

The ants go marching one by one

The little one stops to suck his thumb

And they all go marching down inside the plant

I remember singing this song in primary school and it immediately came to mind when I saw this….
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And Venus Was Her Name

Posted on 1st August 2010 in Bugs, Carnivorous Plants, Multimedia

My Venus Fly Trap is an internet star. Check her out!

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The England Files: Part IV – Bees, Bugs and Harmony

England has the coolest bugs. Purely and simply because I can get up close and personal with them and they won’t kill me.

If you like a side of pain and death with your bugs then I think Australia wins hands down, but for warm fuzzy garden friends you can’t go past the bumble bee.
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